She had a beautiful mind.
••
Wise books. Incomplete lyrics. Simple drawings. Wasted crayons. Random words. You and me.
-Hot green team with lemon
-Black coffee w/o sugar
-Brush your teeth after a meal
-Walk with loud music
-Sleep
You aren’t going to run out of fucking food. There isn’t some great famine happening, and you really don’t need to shovel food down your throat like a bear going into hibernation. The food will still be there when you’re thin. Stop eating so damn much.
day by day, pound by pound, goal by goal, size by size
I will
get thinner and thinner
-do your homework
-do your hair
-paint your nails
-walk
-drink water/tea/coffee
-read
-watch tv/series/movies
-write
-work on books
-look for bonespo
-listen music
1. Long fasts will lead you to binge
2. Two full glass of warm water will actually fill you up
3. Playing addictive games on your phone will actually distract you from hunger
4. Horror movies are the glory when hungry because your stomach closes up
5. If you eat something you will eat it all
I want to be perfect. I have to be perfect. I must be perfect. I will be perfect.
I will be small, tiny and light. With thin legs, bony wrists and fingers, skinny arms, sunken cheeks, prominent jawline.
My hair will be always perfectly straighten, long, falling down like dark cascades at each side of my face, partially covering my cheeks.
My lips will be pale but thick. My teeth immaculately white. My pale face totally acne free. My skin soft. My nails covered with black nail polish. My eyebrows perfectly done.
I will smell like flowers. I will be girly, ladylike, feminine. I will have manners. I will behave and act like a princess.
I will be sweet, kind and friendly. I will smile all the time. I will be lovely, charismatic and helpful.
I will be smart, intelligent and clever. My grades will be the best of the class. I will be the class’ president. All the teachers will love me and all my classmates will admire me.
My uniform will be impeccable. My school supplies and belongings will be in perfect condition. My notebook will be so cute and organized. My handwriting will be clean and pretty.
I will cooperate at home. My bedroom will be carefully decorated and organized. I will be responsible. I will obey. I will participate at familiar reunions.
My photographies will be flawless. My poetry will be beautiful. My writing will be unforgettable. My work will be desired.
All the boys will regret having bullied me, and will start wanting me. All the girls will regret making fun of me and will start envying me.
I will be the perfect daughter. I will be the perfect sister. I will be the perfect friend. I will be the perfect student. I will be the perfect girl.
I will be the best.
I will be perfect.
Because I want to look delicate.
Because I want to look fragile.
Because I want to look sick.
Because I want to look deathly thin.
Because I want to be a walking cadaver.
Because I want to be a corpse.
Because I want to be a skeleton.
Because I want to be the queen of bones
Because I want to be bruised
Because I want to be cold
Because I want to be weak
Because I want to be dizzy
Because I want to lose my menstruation
Because I want to pass out
Because I want to have a seizure
Because I want to be hospitalized
Because I want them to feel guilty
Because I want them to see
Because I want them to regret it
Because I want them to worry
I want to be perfect. I want to be that girl who walks into class every morning hands in her perfect and neat homework then takes a seat with her friends, hair in a super cute, perfect messy ponytail. Who takes notes in her perfectly neat books with her beautiful handwriting flashing her perfectly manicured fingernails on her tiny bony hands. I want to be that girl who is always super organised and everybody’s goal. I want boys to want me and girls to want to be me. I want to be the tiny skinny girl that everybody wishes they could be like. I want to be perfect.
perfectlittleangell